~Amanda & Brinley~

Why am I thinking about fixed vases? Well, that's what I feel like. I feel broken most days, and even though I look fine, there are days where the water pours from my cracks. I feel like some days I am just doing my best to hold myself together so I don't completely fall apart.  This weekend was one of those times where my cracks showed and truth be told my vase shattered again. It was all I could do to function. I found myself laying in bed shaking, just trying to hold onto something to keep me whole.

I laid there for what seemed like hours, when my cell phone chimed and incoming text. It was from someone new in my life, someone who has rapidly become someone special. The text simply asked me if I was ok. All I could type back, was no, not ok. With those words, my world shattered and loud choking sobs tore from me. As I lay there dealing with my torrent of emotions, the texts from this person flowed in. Supportive, loving, honest..accepting. The one text that started putting me back together was one that told me that I'm allowed to feel what I'm feeling. This was the first time that it hit me, I'm allowed to feel bad, sad, broken.

I know this won't be the last time I crack or even break. My whole world was turned upside down in an instant, and I am still learning how to live this way. Hopefully one day the cracks will disappear and I can be whole again. Until that day, however, I am going to strive to embrace each one, because they don't take away from my beauty, the add to it.