Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Wednesday, June 03, 2015 - No comments

Successes and setbacks

Life sucks sometimes. There, I said it. I've found that just when I get used to life as it is, something new gets thrown into the mix and I have to re-adjust every thing. Some things are good, some of them are bad, but they challenge me none the less. This past week, I have been dealing with some heartache. I made the decision to allow someone into my life and into my heart. This person quickly wormed his way into my heart and gave me a reason to smile and be calm for even a fleeting moment. But in the end, his true colors came through and it ended in a clash of hurt and questions.

As I sit here and attempt to deal with the torrents of emotions that are running through my heart and mind, the questions that keep coming to me are...why me? why now? I feel so fragile sometimes that I wish I could just catch a break. I'm deeply afraid of what tomorrow holds some days. But, as with most things in life, things are out of my control.

I know that I needed to go through this situation. I needed this guy to come into my life to remind me, that it's okay to feel again. It's okay to open my heart. Yes, it's not always going to end up good, but as long as I learn something along the way, then I need to count it as a success. I needed him, even for the short time and heartache he's caused. I was starting to lose myself, starting to question the beliefs that I have held dear. It's amazing how one person can challenge everything you believe in.

Going through this, I have realized that I need to trust my gut instinct more. There were times with this guy that my gut was screaming at me that something was off. But I ignored it because I didn't trust myself or my instincts. I've felt so off after what happened with my ex husband, that I actually thought that I couldn't trust myself. I now know differently.

So...even though I'm hurt again, I'm going to count this as a success, because, after all...I learned that I am stronger than I thought.

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