~Amanda & Brinley~

"Life's roughest storms prove the strength of out anchors."

Two of the hardest storms that I have had to face have both happened within the last 2 years. Two things that I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would have the face and deal with. Divorce and remarriage. Losing my marriage then jumping into the blending and creating of a new family.

I never thought I would be one of the statistical 50% of people who find themselves facing a divorce, but yet that is where I found myself. It was a dark, scary and very lonely place to find myself in. As I navigated the waters of being a single parent, I found that the storm of life that surrounded me was overwhelming at times. I didn't want to be alone, I didn't deserve what happened, and I didn't understand fully what was in store for me. I was alone and I was very lonely, but yet at the same time I craved companionship and friendship from someone.

When I started dating again, it was very tough. I didn't fully realize that depth of my wounds that the divorce caused, and it was only when I started the open my heart to people, that I fully felt the pain that my ex-husband's betrayal caused me. I also found it tough to deal with people around me who felt like they knew what was best for me. Many times I heard that I was starting to date "too soon" after my divorce, but yet in the same breath I was told that I'd better get out there because I wasn't getting any younger. I felt judged at every turn, with every decision I made.

There is no manual for navigating life, although at times I desperately wished there was one. I needed direction, guidance...anything that would tell me what to do, how to act and react to my life, to the storm raging around me.

When Blare came into my life, it was just as much of a shock to me as it was to everyone else. I wasn't counting on falling in love again, let alone so soon after the death of my marriage. But, he was brought into my life for reasons that I am still learning to this day. When I look at him, the storm that seems to be swallowing me whole, calm, and my world seems to have hope again. We knew very quickly that we were supposed to be together, and we shocked everyone when we married after only knowing each other for a few weeks. 

 Marrying him what the best decision that I have ever made. The only regret that I have, is that I didn't marry him sooner. (another story for another time) Getting married was the easy part, as I have come to find out. I thought that getting married again would be like it was the first time, easy, but alas, it is proving to be harder this time around. Blending 2 families into 1 is infinitely harder than I'd ever pictured. We have taken 2 families, both marred by some type of tragedy, and are trying our best to make it all work. Most days we succeed, some days the storm swallows us whole, but we are trying our best.

Throw in a career change, a cross state move and a new job, most days I feel like I am only treading water...not making any progress, but not drowning either. As I now get to stay at home, instead of working, I am finding that I am having to more fully deal with the trauma that lingers within me. Every time I turn around there is something that opens a wound that I thought had healed. It seems like the more I heal, the stronger the storm that surrounds me becomes.

As I learn to navigate through life's storms, I am reminded of this quote,

How grateful I am that I have such strong anchors in my life to help me through these storms.